he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
