i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
