So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
