The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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