nut hugger
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
