I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Mom said you looked used
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
