You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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