My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Randomize
