he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
