watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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