here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
