At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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