I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
