I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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