I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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