i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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