i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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