Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
