then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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