I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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