I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
