make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the day after is always just damage control
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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