Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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