Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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