maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
