im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
