hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
