I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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