The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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