i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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