Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
