i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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