If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
