Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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