Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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