She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
