shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
