I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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