just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
