oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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