bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
