Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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