my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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