I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
