I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
