So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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