so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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