Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
