I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
