her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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