I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
