4 words: hood of his car
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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